Dear Lifestyler:
This blog isn’t written for you.
There are plenty of things focused on our leather lifestyle. Things meant to educate us and teach us to go deeper. For us, this is our normal this is just regular old life.
But we are considered fringe people to many.
Some of us wear our leather everyday, some of us on the weekends or however much we can. But we all get the sideways glances if people have an inkling we’re different.
I am open about most of my lifestyle. I don’t walk around saying I am a sadist. I don’t need to. My coworkers have put it together but nothing directly has been said- same with the other people in my life that either don’t want to know or I intentionally don’t want to tell them.
Our vanilla friends are curious- most assume it’s ALL orgies and ball gags 24/7. They ask a lot of shy questions. I usually try to gauge if it’s curiosity or just being nosy. I have found more often than not it’s curiosity with a dash of interest. That’s my favorite space. I makes me smile.
Whether they make assumptions that all dynamics are as controlling, abusive, and non-consenting as 50 Shades of Grey, or they think our lifestyle is whips and chains and nothing else. I love love love LOVE the dialogue, the surprise, and the interest that happens with people who are curious.
I especially love people who see my husband and I’s relationship and our life together and are surprised we have a dynamic or are into the things we are into. Unfortunately, most people either equate our lifestyle with either abuse and cheating, or the other extreme version all things erotic. While we have our ups and some pretty crappy downs we are overall in a loving relationship. So there’s a lot of conflicting thoughts and a lot of “Wait- what?” statements.
And so we openly and honestly talk about our dynamic, why we find it fun and fulfilling.
Some of the out of the box ways we play and how we set boundaries with in that, how we balance family, poly and the aspects of the lifestyle.
Most people in the lifestyle already know these things or learn them very quickly.
There are others in the lifestyle who intentionally try to scare people who aren't into the lifestyle or people who are on the fringe- I think those people are assholes. There are people in the lifestyle who just don't know how to normalize or communicate with others about different aspects of the lifestyle- this blog could be a useful tool for perspective perhaps.
But for the rest of you kinky little muffins this blog written isn’t for you.
This blog is for the couple that is curious but has been too afraid to jump because this lifestyle has never been normalized.
This blog is for the the couple experimenting who wants to go further but is nervous because of their assumptions of the lifestyle.
This blog is for the counselor or medical professional who wants to know more about the lifestyle in a non-threatening way.
This is for the college student who worries the lifestyle will just be a “phase” because it can seem impossible to blend the next stage of their vanilla life with their other desires for polyamory, kink, and alternative lifestyles.
This is for the individual who has been longing for a life partner but also doesn't want to betray their non-heterosexual feelings.
This is for the curious person who may be totally vanilla but is willing to learn more so they can understand her friends.
This is for the couple who has a dynamic and feels self conscious about being more open about it.
This is for the people on the fence who think it isn’t safe to take the plunge, who don't think it’s possible. I can assure you, my friend, it is and it is the most beautiful, difficult and fulfilling journey you could be on.
Till next time!
Sky