Oh my how curious minds inquire...and they should!
So I was on marco polo talking with one of my loves about how their day was going.
My youngest was sitting at the kitchen table
with me and I got the last video: I love you baby girl.
Smallest human *eyes wide*: What?!
I knew in that moment I had a chance I had been waiting for. This was a moment I got to teach. This is where I could help him start to challenge norms he was already buying into.
Me calmly: What? I can love more than one person, you understand
that. I love James and Katie and Mary... can’t I love Caleb?
*SH nods*
Me: See I have enough room in my heart for all of you.
Small human: Yeah, but what about your head?
Me: There too. Your mind can get bigger to let more people in, it can grow too.
(I skipped the detailed conversation on neuroplasticity with
the 5 year old.)
SH: So like Katie? AND JAMES? AND ME?
Me: Yes, exactly.
SH: AND MY BROTHERS? AND what about grandma?
Me: I love them differently but yep have room for all of the people I love in my heart
and head.
SM dramatically looking up thoughtfully: HMMMMmmm… Okay. Want a chicken nugget?
Me: Sure thanks for sharing!
IT’S. THAT. EASY.
Here's one guys experience growing up in a poly household.
Kids are adaptable to various lifestyles as long they are given healthy
supportive and reliable core relationships. The more supportive
the relationships the child has the more likely they are to thrive,
have more stable self-confidence and gain many teachers in their lives.
I am convinced that the fluid close and expanded familial relationships
that are in supportive long term polyamorous relationships are a more
expansive support network for the children involved. Furthermore, also
teach (ideally) healthy alternatives to monogamy, challenge out of the
box thinking ad help foster independence and divorces relationship
ideals of possessiveness and rampant jealousy that can rule in any
unhealthy relationship (poly or not).
We ended up in a disagreement with family about this lifestyle and being open about it.
It been very difficult for us to process. I swear adults are more
accepting than conditioned adults.
As queer folk we hope to be loving and accepting to all (except Nazis- fuck Nazis).
So it feels betraying when the people who are supposed to be there through
thick and thin attack not only you, but also your parenting and your children.
Once the rage subsided I realized it was a deep sadness and hurt we have all had to process.
The attacks, blatant harassment, and rejection from family member's has been devastating.
It's brought a lot of stress to us and our children- the remedy? Undistracted quality time.
It is healing and bonding.
Reinforcing supportive relationships in our kids lives and laughing.
I hope this blog normalizes our journey not only as individuals
but as a family as well.
I hope another poly family reads this and sighs with relief and thinks 'Me too'
I hope a monogamous person reads this and finds their world a little more opened
up to different family expressions.
I hope this helps change the world even a little bit.
Until next time.
Cheers,
Sky
Remember: The best course of action is always honesty.