Oh how these years have changed me....
Welcome to my journey. We each have a different path: this is mine.
Just your neighborhood friendly sadomasochist, polyamorous human and soccer mom!
Okay so where do I start? How the heck did I get here?!?
I am a 35 year old working mom with three kids in a blended family, in the suburbs. On the weekends we juggle birthday parties, sports events, choir concerts, and homework.
I'm officially a suburban soccer mom, which all sound dreadfully boring and cliché. I walk in all bubbly smiling “Hello!” with my reusable Starbucks coffee cup into the office in the mornings and some days I wonder who the authentic me really is.
Because on the other side of all this my husband and I are polyamorous BDSM lifestylers. I'm also queer, and at home and places I am more comfortable I identify as a dyke ( I see this not as a derogatory term but something as a mostly gay, queer woman I can claim, laugh about, and use to empower myself) This is my adventure. And as stressful as it is, it’s home.
What a journey…
I have always dabbled in kink (all private play) since before I was voting age and longed for non-monogamy since my early 20’s. I have almost always had kink in my life, but not to the level or skill I have wanted. I longed for physically intimate female relationships, but gave up when I discovered how hard it was to date same sex in the ultra conservative and small towns- the worry of it affecting my job and even some of my friendships was very real.
I have learned that as supportive as others can be to the LGBTQ+ community that in less liberal areas normalization can cause more strain than a relationship can withstand, I have learned that in the area I live in now but it’s a bit less strenuous. Introducing the idea of ethical non-monogamy into the mainstream dating world was also a challenge. Still is.
Most people ask “So...yall just cheat on each other?” NO. Oh god I would never do that to someone I love so much! My husband meets my dates and I meet his. We are always friendly, and usually share meals together multiple times a month.
We find a lot of joy in it.
But unless I am constantly trying to explain myself it's not worth the energy to share with many steeped in heterocentric cultural bias.
Two and a half years ago I went through the worst break up I have ever gone through. It was painful, I was left a sobbing, dry-heaving on the floor puddle. I rose with firm resolution to not play it safe anymore to take more risks, and to live life how I had been longing for. I found my local kink and polyamorous communities and jumped in.
I was finishing school as a single mom at the time.
Do you know the scene in Nightmare before Christmas where the main character Halloween phenomena Jack falls into an alternate reality of Christmas magic 24/7 and starts singing “Whats this?” (Check it out)
That’s what it felt like. Everything was new shiny and full of opportunity.
The reality is, Polyamory can blow and all the efforts to communicate the bestest still can end in crummy break ups. Sex always needs to be talked about, and the spectrum of intimacy and orientation and gender need to be normalized. The BDSM community can be wonderful and adventurous- it can also be toxic and awful.
Not everyone is going to have stellar integrity (some people are just shitty humans), not all play spaces are beautiful polished dungeons, and all but the super skinny look imperfect when they are unabashedly doing their freaky thang.
Commentaires